{"id":4690,"date":"2023-07-04T22:06:05","date_gmt":"2023-07-04T20:06:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rosiemoore.com\/?p=4690"},"modified":"2023-08-29T01:12:22","modified_gmt":"2023-08-28T23:12:22","slug":"how-perfectionism-is-holding-you-back-from-reaching-your-goals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rosiemoore.com\/how-perfectionism-is-holding-you-back-from-reaching-your-goals\/","title":{"rendered":"How Perfectionism is Holding You Back from Reaching Your Goals"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Can I share something a little personal with you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the more persistent struggles I\u2019ve had in my adult life is with perfectionism. You may know it as having an “all or nothing” kind of mentality, being described as an overachiever or an A-type person. It\u2019s something I continue to work on to this day. And it\u2019s something that many of my nutrition and weight loss accountability clients struggle with too.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism can stop us from reaching the things we truly want for ourselves \u2014 time to spend freely with our loved ones, a sustainable and satisfying wellbeing practice, and a sense of calm and peace throughout our lives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the reason that perfectionism is so hard to overcome is that for many of us, it has given us a huge advantage earlier in life. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The \u2018all or nothing\u2019 way of thinking has definitely benefited me in the past, and I\u2019m sure it\u2019s helped you too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having high standards and perfectionist tendencies means that you\u2019ve become very successful. You\u2019ve set goals for yourself, and been relentless in your pursuit of them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve taken action to build the life you wanted, and you\u2019ve gone above and beyond, putting in late nights studying and working, sacrificing social time, and even giving up time for yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve thrived, because you saw what needed to be done, and you did it \u2014 and more. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But maybe now the time for that level of striving has passed. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe now is the season for you to take care of yourself, to nourish your body and your social connections, and to enjoy the fruits of all your efforts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe now the perfectionism that used to serve you is getting in the way of creating the healthy balance you deserve.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, this is something that has been as referred to as maladaptive perfectionism<\/em> or the negative aspects of perfectionism that involves setting unrealistically high standards, being overly self-critical, and experiencing intense fear of failure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Cycle of Perfectionism<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism tends to manifest itself in a pretty predictable cycle, and identifying those patterns is the first step in unravelling this lifelong habit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s how it tends to go:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You pick a big, exciting, inspiring goal (you’re not the kind of person who does things small) \u2014 let\u2019s say, a new workout plan, combined with a complete overhaul of your diet for sustained and healthy weight loss. You can\u2019t wait to get started. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This bit is fun, and a little scary, kind of like getting on a rollercoaster that\u2019s just the right size. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You know it will require a lot of prep and careful time management, but you map it all out, research everything you\u2019ll need to make it happen, and add it all to your calendar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then something happens: something small, but unexpected enough to throw you off your plan. A colleague quits and you have to take over a last-minute deadline. Your kid gets a stomach bug and you\u2019re up all night cleaning up. A relative suddenly needs a lift to an urgent medical appointment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of adapting the plan to work around the complication, you think, \u201cDamn\u2026 I’ll have to wait until tomorrow.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s easy to justify putting something off if you think it can be done <\/strong>better<\/em><\/strong> at a later time.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But of course, life is full of these little detours and interruptions, and so there\u2019s rarely (if ever) a perfect time to implement your plan. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And here\u2019s where perfectionism really gets ugly: the more often you put off starting your plan in the hope of doing it perfectly, the worse you feel about the plan \u2014 and about yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

All the excitement and motivation you had when you came up with it is replaced with feelings of disappointment and shame. Underneath it all is a fear of failure so intense that we feel like it\u2019s better to protect ourselves by not even trying at all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Perfectionism Pattern<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I wonder if this pattern sounds familiar to you:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it! I\u2019m done with this. From Monday, everything changes. I\u2019m going to the gym every day if it kills me, we\u2019re not ordering take out at all, and I\u2019m going to tell my boss that I\u2019m done at 6 whether they like it or not.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Monday rolls around, and you think \u201cOh, shoot. I don\u2019t have enough groceries to prep my meals for the start of week. OK \u2014 I\u2019ll shop this week, prep all my meals, sort out my gym membership, and then I\u2019ll start next <\/em>Monday. Dammit! How is it 7pm already?! When did everyone else leave? And how did I eat so many of those cookies? Ugh. This week is a wash and it\u2019s barely even started.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discouraged and tired, you get home, eat whatever is on hand, have a glass of wine or two, and crash in front of the TV. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tuesday morning rolls around, and you feel\u2026 gross. You didn\u2019t sleep well, so you dozed after your alarm, and now you\u2019re late, which makes you stressed, which makes you crave sugary carbs, and then because you were late you feel obliged to make up the time in the evening, which means you skip the workout you planned\u2026 and on, and on, and on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you ready to be done with that? I know I am. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Do I Break the Perfectionism Cycle?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The alternative is neither quick nor easy. But it works, and day by day it sets you free to actually take control of your time and your health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moderation. It sounds almost like a swear word to a committed perfectionist, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But making SOME changes \u2014 not all of them \u2014 is the key to eventually getting them all done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let your goal be to take smaller, more consistent actions that build positive momentum towards what you want, instead of the all-or-nothing see-saw of doing more than is sustainable, and then nothing at all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like I said, it takes time to transition away from lifelong perfectionism to a balanced, moderate approach to things. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the most important pieces of getting this right is to start practicing acceptance. Instead of instantly trying to change something when you notice you don\u2019t like it, just spend some time trying to accept that it\u2019s there and that it\u2019s true. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fact that there is something you don\u2019t like in your life is not a sign that you are a bad person\/colleague\/partner\/parent\/ friend\/child. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It just means that you\u2019re a person. And that might need some acceptance too, my friend. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The reason acceptance is important is that when we try to change something without accepting it, we are setting ourselves up to fail. We\u2019re in denial that this thing is a problem, and we\u2019re still trying to change it before anyone else notices. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How To Move Towards Moderation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s look at how you can practice acceptance, so that you can start implementing sustainable changes as you\u2019re ready \u2014 one small piece at a time: <\/p>\n\n\n\n